Crazy Cairo Drivers!

traffic cairoo

I give up!

You know, my friends in KL told me that the traffic in Penang is bad enough. Motorcycles suddenly appearing on both sides of your car, zig zagging through the traffic, aggressive drivers at the junctions, etc.

Then I went to India. India was even worse I thought. My driver used to go off-road with our old, yet durable TATA car (looks like Kancil) to avoid the traffic jam, or going in the opposite direction.

Not forgetting that he was screaming and cursing most of the time while driving and I had to bear with all those Hindi foul languages.

And before I came here, I was warned by my colleagues that the traffic here is crazy. Absolute madness.

I was on the way from the airport to my hotel at midnight and I was surprised how much traffic they had in the middle of the night. And I realized, it’s a desert here and people only come out at night.

Ok, back to the crazy traffic and drivers. All these are my daily 3-4 hours journey observation for the past 1 month.

There are no such thing as traffic rules and traffic lights. Side and rear mirror are almost non-existent.
Stop and slow down is something the drivers don’t know about, and will never.
What they do know : floor the accelerator
Honk! Honk! means either Hello pretty! fuck off! I’m going first! Move out of my way! Moveee!
It also means, Mr Traffic Police, I can’t wait anymore. It’s my turn to move!
Hazard lights on means, Don’t overtake me, there’s no space in front for you!
Right signal light followed by left signal light means you’re a bitch/asshole!
You can drive in any direction you want, even on the highways. I’ve seen lorries going in opposite direction in a 3 lane highway.
They have amazing skills to maximize the use of the roads in terms of space. A two-way street will look like a one-way street. A two-lane street will look like a double parking roadside carpark and a three-lane street.
There are no such thing as lanes. As long they can find the tiniest space possible to squeeze their car in at 100km/h, they will go for it.
It’s normal that a two-way street will become one-way street. You won’t realize it until you see a fast approaching car honking and flashing the headlights. What happens next? Your car is stucked in the opposite lane and the opposite driver starts screaming and honking while the cars in your lane don’t give a damn about it but start honking.
All traffic lights seems to be on display mode. None are functioning. The traffic police is the traffic light. And sometimes you’ll need to wait 10 minutes for your turn to move because he went for a smoke!
When there are no traffic police manning the junction, no one gives a damn way!
Pedestrian crossings are non-existent. Drivers treat passers-by as nuisance but they have the skills to avoid passers-by standing in the middle of the road even when driving at 100km/h, or above. And the passers-by have the guts to stand in the middle of the road with driving at 100km/h!
Most roads are 2-4 lanes wide. But only half are used for traffic. The remaining are for parking, even it’s a highway. Double/triple parking is not an offense even at the highways.
Pickup trucks carry everything under the sun that you can imagine of. From people to donkeys to households.
The vehicle is not from Cairo if there is not a single dent or scratches.